‘N Sync: No Strings Attached
‘N Sync—the boy band at the height of its powers challenging for preeminence—came out swinging on No Strings Attached. In 2000, the field was stuffed with poseurs, 5-boy clusters of meticulously groomed troubadours wearing matching costumes and doing choreographed little dances as together. After the dross was scooped, ‘N Sync and their arch-nemeses the Backstreet Boys remained the powerhouses of pop. No Strings Attached is clearly a cut above most of the drivel in the teen bop category, but even if it weren’t, it sold lots and lots of copies, and there’s something to be said for that.
Rating: * *
98 Degrees: 98 Degrees and Rising
1998 was a banner year for boy bands. By virtue of its name, 98 Degrees was destined to conquer the world in ‘98, much as the Monkees should have done in the Year of the Monkey. But boy band competition was too tight, and Lacheys, et al., rose no higher than #14 on the Billboard 200. This occurred despite the popularity of crooning white-boy R&B—its harmonies and vocal frills and the prefabricated high school prom background music. I thought “I Do” was a lovely way to end the album. Then it hit me: I was only four songs in.
Rating: *
Elliott Yamin: Fight for Love
It’s “outfit” music. To sing it properly, Elliott Yamin needs to be dressed in a vest or stylish jacket, half-finger gloves, and carefully distressed denim pants. He probably needs a hat too, preferably something worn by Eastern European street toughs. Image is important for a former American Idol finalist whose sophomore album is following on the heels of two Christmas collections. The whole thing is designed to showcase Mr. Yamin’s voice. He has a good voice, so this is okay, but the songs fail on all other levels. With few exceptions, they are insipid love ballads with programmed background music.
Rating: * *
Chris Cornell: Scream
Maybe Scream contains an interesting moment or two, but giving it anything better than the worst possible rating seems an insult to all those artists who at least tried before failing monumentally. The lyrics were unintentionally silly, the dance tunes undanceable, and the rock songs dull and repetitive. Audioslave and Soundgarden make a good case for Mr. Cornell *not* going solo. But here he is. Maybe I should just admire that he took a chance by straying from his usual genres. If only he wasn’t impinging on the New Kids’ territory with “tough guy” pop rock and a dance beat.
Rating: *
Jeremih: Jeremih
Jeremih is a predictable hip hop Casanova, but with a girlish voice. Many of the tracks on his self-titled album are vehicles for commemorating his loves and passions. The lyrics are filled with saccharine lines that either attempt to woo a woman or to recollect the way in which said woman was wooed. “Imma Star” and “My Ride” indicate that the most effective way to lure the ladies is with one’s fame and material possessions: “I told you, I’m a star. See the ice? See the car?” A few tracks (like “My Sunshine”) are sweet without harboring an ulterior motive.
Rating: * *
Jordin Sparks: Battlefield
American Idol functions as an organ for fabricating top-selling music stars. To its credit, the show has unearthed some great talent that would have otherwise gone unheard. However, these poor kids seem to be reigned in, packaged, and streamlined within an inch of their lives to make sure their big debut is as profitable and demographically appealing as possible. Often the result is bland, crappy music from great singers. Not so with Jordin Sparks. She naturally fits Idol’s mold. In fact, she sounds her best there. Battlefield is bearable. For how much I hate the Idol style, that’s saying something.
Rating: * * * *
Joe: Signature
It starts with a single word, “Gangsta,” breathlessly whispered as the mood music rises to meet Joe’s lush R&B croon. Then Joe treats us to a “day-in-the-life” view of a true playa. He broadcasts his conquests and lusts in silky smooth tones. His expressions of passion drip with self-aggrandizing bravado. Does Joe have the moves to seduce you? According to Joe, of course he does. What does Joe want in a woman? Signature provides your 12-song answer. When Joe requests a “very, very, very special friend,” what is he after? Someone to be “my baby girl to the very end.”
Rating: *
Ginuwine: A Man’s Thoughts
Given the album’s title, A Man’s Thoughts, and its (silly) poetic introduction delivered by a man with an abnormally low voice, I expected Ginuwine to dig deeper with his subject matter, to ponder philosophy or the human condition. It turns out that he, Ginuwine, is the titular Man, and that his thoughts are about women: seeking them, enjoying their company *cough*, and—in a song called “Trouble”—assaulting them. Brace yourself for low-tempo R&B with heavy beats, lots of auto-tuning, and horribly masked sexual references. My favorite lyric: “From a boy to a man, like Barrack and his plan…” What?
Rating: *
