Major Lazer: Guns Don’t Kill People…Lazers Do

This is some sort of collaborative effort of Jamaican rap based on the theme of a zombie-fighting superhero. So in essence, it is 13 songs of electronically enhanced gibberish. The mélange of artists guarantees wild swings in the quality of the output. And so it is that the pendulum swings from mundane reggae to migraine-inducing novelty song. At its best Major Lazer apes Snow and his fast-talking “Informer” circa 1993. This brings up a good rule of thumb for musicians: if your stuff makes listeners pine for Snow, you’re doing something wrong. Perhaps things would have improved if the songs focused more on zombies and less on dancing.

Rating: *

Cyndi Lauper: Bring Ya to the Brink

Lauper, the 80s new wave icon, has come raging onto the techno scene as a dance rave super freak. The result? As much as it pains me to say this… about Cyndi Lauper of all people… this “so unusual” lady who showed us her true colors… shared with the world her lactose intolerance… and entertained us with her foray into professional wrestling… this album is the most awful thing ever inflicted on humanity. I would rather come down with a horrible case of shingles than listen to it again. Bring Ya to the Brink sets the gold standard for dreadful.

Rating: *

Alanis Morissette: Flavors of Entanglement

Jagged Little Pill and Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie lured me in, and I’ve listened to ever subsequent Alanis Morissette album. Flavors of Entanglement is the worst. Somewhere along the line, she invented a song machine that churns out awful stuff with a generic Alanis sound. Maybe “generic” is too favorable. Flavors of Entanglement is the refuse they found when they cleaned out the machine. She isn’t really angry anymore and doesn’t need the therapist. All that’s left is a vacuous, over-produced batch of pseudo dance tunes. On the plus side, she’s not hanging around with that “Full House” guy anymore.

Rating: *